This week I have been locked behind doors at work in training; during breaks and lunch I could be found catching up on daily work that I wasn't able to get to. But today my lunch break was different; after a lab I warmed up my frozen dinner...yum...and scampered back to the training room expecting to be alone catching up again. To my delight another co-worker brought her lunch in and was looking for company.
As most moms conversations go, it quickly lead to converations about our kids. She asked me if I was at all concerned for my kids safety when they are playing hockey after the paralysis of Jack. I explained to her that it was such a freak accident but that I am always concerned and hold my breath each time any one of them go down or look like they are going to go into the boards; but I not only worry for my kids but for all the kids both on and off the ice; especially when playing contact sports. I then reminded her how kids can get hurt just playing and told her about a school mate a few grades ahead of me who was wrestling with his twin brother at home and the one twin accidentally hurt the other and he too was paralyzed.
Then it reminded me of our own story, much different than either of these two boys and with a much better outcome, but none the less it brought me back to just 2 short years ago when I got a frightening call that sent me running.
It was September, and Kayla had come home telling me a new friend wanted her to spend the night; this would go against my own rules of meeting the parents first...having a few times together to play before a full night. Against my reluctance, I agreed but only after all the pleading and begging eyes. What could happen...she's a 3rd grader and this girl lives only a short walk away I kept telling myself.
I helped her pack her bag and on the walk over I THEN found out that neither mom or dad would be there but her older high school sisters would be..again this should have sent me back home with her at my side, but it didn't. I reminded her that Justin was at a birthday party and that I would need to leave to pick him up but first would be running to Target. She skipped along holding my hand, hugged and kissed me good-bye and walked in the door to the house of the family I had not met yet. Doh!
After sitting at home for a short time convincing myself that this was OK, I jumped in the car thinking I have about 25mn of "alone" time at Target - yippee. At this point I think this is
great! I get to Target and throw my cell phone in my purse and immediately hit the isles. Target smells different, stores always do when you are not toting kids around or having the hubby walking at your heals wondering why you need to by more smelly shampoo when you have 3 half used bottles already.
As I open and close different bottles, I hear something; look around and see no one around. I continue on down the isle touching and smelling different bottles...I hear the sound again but once more see no one around. I move to the next isle with a few bottles in tow, AGAIN I hear the noise but this time it registers what I am hearing. MY CELL PHONE it's vibrating against something in my purse; oh my GOD I think, how did I not remember to take it off vibrate when I am alone!
I quicky unzip it to find I have missed not 3 calls but rather 4 and all from a number I do not recognize. I hold the phone for a minute and it rings again; I answer and this is what I hear:
Caller: Is this Becky?
Me: Yes.
Caller: Hi Becky, this is xxx's mom and Makayla has had an accident.
Me: Is she OK?
Caller: Silent
Me: IS SHE OK?!? (bottles dropping from my arms)
Caller: Yes, but I need you to come home immediately
Me: I'm at Target, I'm on my way
Caller: We'll meet you at your house
Without looking down to see if I had broken anything I just dropped I grab my purse and run through the store to my car. I don't remember much of the ride home but I do remember coming around the corner and seeing a stranger stading by my seated daughter at the end of my driveway and my little baby holding a bloody towel to her head.
I pull up and jump out seemingly before I have even put the car in park (it didn't move so I guess I must have). I ask this stranger what has happened and she tells me Kayla had fallen out of a tree and hit her head on a rock. I ask Kayla to pull the towl away. It sickens me to remember what I saw...blood, curled skin, something yellowish-white and bumpy oozing out from skin and what seems to me is skull. I cringe and very Mom'ishly tell her she needs to get in the car as she need to go to the emergency room. She yells "I do?!?" I turn her towards the car and guide her to the front seat and buckler her up.
I thank the mom for helping her and jump in the car myself. At this time I remember Justin is at a birthday party in the park, Blaine is out town and somehow I need to get Kayla to the hospital and get Justin picked up in about 15mn. I start to freak out at this point. I feel my hands and body start to shake and I am doing everything in my power not to start crying myself. Kayla asks me what I am doing...I non-mom'ishly admit to her that I am about to start crying because I am scared and don't know what to do.
Instincts kick in at this point as Kayla's sobs become stronger as she sees the tears stream down my face. I somehow manage to manuver my phone to call the dad that is at the park wtih Justin; I tell him we have had an accident and I will not be there to get Justin but I will find someone to be there. He tell's me not to worry and that he will take care of him. I then get Blaine on the phone and sobbingly tell him what has happened. He says he can be to Justin in 30mn - whew!
We make it to the hospital, and the crazy triage nurse looks her over and sends us back to the non emergency lobby to wait for the next available doctor. I look at her in disbelief as we walk out; I pull Kayla on my lap and once again we both sit there holding each other and crying. I was so sure the famlies waiting ahead of us thought I was nuts but as I looked around they all had sympathetic looks on there faces as if they would be doing the same thing if there little one was covered in blood and were told to wait.
Then the light shown through the windows as 2 beautiful emergency doctors came seeking us out, the triage nurse came running behind them saying she was ok; they ask Kayla to pull the towel away - no squirmy looks like I gave when they looked at it but the doctor who seemed in charge stirnly told the nurse YES, we need to see this one immediately. I smugly looked at the triage nurse as we walked by...I am quite certiain it was not her who had the doctors come look at her but rather one of the girls at the registration table; aaaand then the water works start again; Kayla on the other hand is done with all that and walks to her waiting bed with bravey and climbs aboard.
They tell her they are going to put numbing meds on it which will burn, yep...it burned and she let them know. Just as they were about to start stitching, Blaine and Justin walk in - has it really been 30mn already? I see Blaine's face as they pulled the numbing med filled gauze from her head - it was a look of....YUCK! I then learned that the yellowish-white oozing stuff I saw at home was infact the fat layer under the skin.
The doctor is funny, nice and handsome; he does his best to make Kayla feel comfortable; he tells her everything he is going to do and then he starts the stitches and she doesn't even wince; I on the otherhand did with every stick he made until all 8 stitches were tied.
We are sent home, it is late and she is tired and wants to go to bed. I worry all night long knowing she just fell out of a tree and has hit her head on a rock; should I worry about her waking, will she pull the stitches, will she forget and scratch them and the list went on and on.
As I am setteling in for the night myself I notice that there is a message on the home phone, I play the message and it was such a stomach turning message....
Kayla: Mommy....where are you? I hurt myself and I need you....silence.....sniff, sob, sniff...click.
I kick myself here again for not holding to my own rules and taking care of my kids. How awful I feel for not being there when she needed me so badly.
But alas, Saturday morning arrives and this is what we woke up to. Our Kayla smiling from ear to ear as she always does in the mornings; in all her swollen beauty and wearing her stitches with style.
Not a great reminder but a significant one, kids can get hurt just being kids; healthy loved ones wake up sick and other loves ones are here one day and gone the next. So I remember to hug them each day and tell them I love them always.
To my hubby - Your my bestest friend ever, my soulmate and I will love you through eternity.
To my kiddos - I"ll love you forever, I'll like your for always, forever and ever my baby you'll be.
Thanks for checking in and remembering my not so great mom moment.
~ Did you hug your kids today? ~
Becky
